A couple of weeks ago, I was having lunch with a friend and we were discussing families and childhoods and how close to my family I am. At a lull in the conversation, he asked, “Is that why you’re so reckless; so adventurous? Because you know you have your family to fall back on?”
It was a question that, at the time, I just answered yes to and moved on. I didn’t give it much thought. However, over the past couple of days that question has kept popping up. Am I reckless? I don’t think so. I take chances, absolutely. I explore and learn and try new things. I’m adventurous because there is much about the world that intrigues me and beckons me to be an explorer. But what, at my core, gives me the comfort and confidence to do so? This has been the question that has been rolling around in my brain and I think I have the answer(s):
I’m “reckless” because:
* I know that, no matter what, I have two amazing parents and a handful of wonderful friends who I can always fall back on.
* My faith is a deep well that I draw upon both in times of happiness and times of sadness. I know there is a God and He has a plan. Things always work out- maybe not how you want or expect, but they always work out the way they are supposed to.
* I have experienced too much in life to think that one mistake, one wrong choice, is going to ruin my world. Yes, I try and make smart decisions but I am not about to sacrifice what I really want for the sake of comfort and safety.
* I know that life is precious and so very short…you never know when someone you love will leave or when your own number is up. I’ve received two phone calls in my life that literally ripped away from me a person who meant the world. And because of that, I refuse to live life in the shadows; to live in total “safety.” There is no such thing.
And last but certainly not least…
* I have faith in myself and my ability to get things done. I’ve had exquisite successes in my life as well as awesome failures…and I’ve learned from each and every one of them. I know there is nothing I cannot do if I put my mind and heart into it.
All of these realizations come at a very important time- there is a change I need to make in my life. I’ve known it and have been putting it off for years. There was always something else that needed my time and attention: moving, school, work, friends, family. I’ve used every excuse in the book to avoid making the changes I need to in order to be more healthy and fit. There have been “spurts” of activity, of eating right, but I always fell back into the same old habits. And when I did, I used the excuse that it just wasn’t the right time.
In this moment I can honestly say I am pretty happy with the way my life is going. House? Car? Degree? Awesome job? Check. (Let’s just skip over the “happily paired with someone who makes my heart sing” piece for right now.) One thing that I am missing is being totally healthy and fit; being good to, and taking care of, myself. That is the change I need to make, the change I want to make. I want to be comfortable in my own skin again. I want to be healthy. I want to know that, when the zombie apocalypse comes, I can outrun those buggers.